IF U STOP BY PLZ LEAVE COMMENT IF DONT I'LL HUNT U DOWN AND DO SOME VERY BAD
A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker, who had managed to
fly across the ocean to Hawaii, were arguing about which place had the
toughest trees.
The Hawaiian woodpecker led him to a tree that no woodpecker could peck!
The Californian woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in
the tree with no problem.
The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.
The Californian woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to
peck a tree in California that was absolutely un-peckable.
The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and
accepted the challenge.
So after flying to California, the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully
pecked the tree with no problem.
The two woodpeckers were now confused.
How is it that the California woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian
tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the California tree
when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?
After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion:
Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds".
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I asked.
They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Stupid, stupid man
