About Me
Work [http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/REME] is always a joy, please allow me to share.
British army best quotes of all time award winners;
"Now go on, its only a five minute walk if you run like f**k."
"Plan B? Plan B is to make sure Plan A f**king works out."
"Whats this?" "Don't ask him whats in the pies, he's RLC, not CID."
"Don't take any s**t off him chef, make him have seconds."
"You are to slow marching, what Ghengis Khan was to human rights."
"how about we get rid of all those crap paintings in the
pillared hall [of Main Building] and replace them
with maps of all the countries we've knacked at
war, with 'OWNED AND BONED' written under each
one?"
"I'll give you a choice, either shorten those side-burns after
this parade, or I'll have you in front of the next wives evening,
singing Elvis songs, and be warned, my wife hates Elvis with a passion"
"For those of you who did well, well done. For those of you who did not
do so well and you know who you are.........well done anyway!"
"Jesus must've been a Guardsman. He only had twelve mates and one of them jacked him in for beer tokens"
"Oh, and I would have replied earlier but I was picking cogs and
suchlike out of my ceiling. Upon reading of a USMC chap complaining about
the arrogance of British soldiers the unintended irony meter on my desk
suffered a catastrophic failure."
"You haven't had dirty til you've had French and dirty..."
"Theres no need for flash jewellery on the base lads, theres no women to impress.. well there are, but they're all f*cking huge and ugly, thats why they're in the army."
"You're an Electrical and mechnical engineer, you of all people should know that if you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem."
"What?! This isn't the states lad, British soldiers don't get medals for getting shot, just remedial training."
"It doesn't take many contacts to become a born-again fan of big f*ck-off machine guns"
About Me;
Hey, the guy your mother warned you about couldn't be here, but I'm his evil twin,pleased to meet you.
I've been riding since 2003 and its easily the best thing ive ever decided to do. I love life, friends, beer and wild parties.
'm laid back and friendly so why not drop me a line and say hey? I could be the best friend you haven't met yet..
I am in no uncertain terms the WORST skater in the world ever, however I can cook, and juggle, kinda..which just adds to my awesome value. The big puzzle there though is how I can manage to be a competent snowboarder and yet be useless on a skateboard...hmm..
Basically, Im a f*cking hero. Im responsible for everything good.. ever, this stretches up to and includes; the rotary engine, Sausage and cheese sandwiches, casual sex, those cans of corned beef with the ring pull that doesnt work, monkey knife fighting and most of the plots from hollyoaks. Famous people always steal my ideas.
I have a habit of offending people and making outlandish and controversial comments, this is a marked improvement on my previous habit of having sex with girls I didnt know. I'm always right. I'm very opinionated and will soon be prime minister of Britain and possibly the moon.
The only person who has any influence or control over me is Nat, she kicks my ass on a regular basis.
I enjoy my body and eat whatever I like, as a result I have been quite unhealthy and will in all probability die very young.
I love befriending strangers.
I'm intolerant of intolerance, and dickheads.
My 2 most favourite possesions are my snowboard and my guitar.
Don't take me shopping, I'll only complain.
Finally, I love you all..
--RANDOM HARDCORE FACTS--
1- I played blues rock before I started joining rock bands.
2- I think Redheads are kinda hot
3- I hate public transport
4- I can't drink gin
5- I once drank a half bottle of Mr. Sparkle citrus fresh window spray at a party.
6- I have only ever seen around 12 people I would truly consider to be fat, so I doubt you should be dieting
7- I eat 7 meals a day and am still medically underweight for my height. I'm 6'1" by the way.
8- The following fact contains absolutely no information, however, by the time you're finished you will have spent around 10 seconds reading it even though you knew it contained no information.
9- I have giant feet, and yes its true, we do have f*ckin' masive..socks.
