I am Kayla, also known a sKillaKon./KayKon. I'm taken. I am afraid of cars. I have the biggest fear that every driver is out to kill me and we could die at any moment. A couple years ago, I had the worst summer of my life. Someone, out of very few, came to visit me and I had no idea who he was until he came over to visit me. I cannot tell you how much it meant that he took time out of his night to come with someone to see me. A couple weeks later he died in a car accident. All I heard from people was regret for how they treated him horribly and took him for granted. That moment literally lives in my mind every time I step into a car. That any moment I could die like he did, unexpected. I am deathly afraid of death. I am afraid I will get an incurable illness and suffer in it for the rest of my life. I, like many other people, struggle with trusting God with my life. I can never figure out what to write in these things, because I can't seem to pinpoint anything exactly about me. I care for anything and everything. I donate money every month to my sponsor child, and I pick up any form of trash I see on the ground, long enough to bring it to the nearest trash can, though I just like everyone else, mess up and make mistakes. Myspace if a fame game, and it seems to be getting more annoying everyday. Yes, I do have 30,000 friends, but I try to talk to each and every person that comments me. It make take me a while, but I will get back to you. I don't really want to grow up. That's why I'm going to marry Peter Pan. We'll battle pirates and...fly. Real soon until I can drive. People live too far. I hope things work out; I hope they get better. I want to start painting more. I want to start drawing more. I want to start writing and singing more. I want to meet new people and become closer to the friends I already have. I hate goodbyes and I hate crying. I hate getting hurt. I hate that feeling I get the in the pit of my stomach when I know something bad is about to happen. I hate mean people. I hate people who run around sticking their noises into other peoples business. I hate when people who don't even know you judge you and have something to say. I hate jealousy. I hate change. I hate when people make fun of other people. I hate hard asses. I don't understand why people are so rude. I hate being looked at, being stared at, and being approached by random strangers. I'm afraid of losing things before I even get a hold of them; friendships, trust, love. I hate when people curse at me. I take everything to heart and as much as I try to say I don't care about what you think...under most circumstances I do care. I do believe in God. & even if he wasn't real, I'd tell myself he was anyway. He's something to look up to; someone I know I can always talk to. An atheist once told me "I'm glad that it gives people something to believe in." And as much as I could not stand him what he said will probably stick with me forever. And even though you might have to throw in a couple Advil after praying for you're stomach ache to go away, I know God's always there, always listening, always watching, always caring, always helping. I get mad at him a lot. I blame him for things I shouldn't. Everything I go through I know will only make the outcome better in the end. People think too much. Some things just don't have answers. & most of the time when we're looking for an answer to something, we make it up and settle with whatever "makes sense". A lot of things don't make sense. I'm fine with it. God gave us knowledge and sometimes we take what we know or want to know and turn it against him just to make up reasons for everything. My entire life doesn't not revolve around shows, my entire life does not revolve around clothes and shoes and makeup, my entire life does not revolve around myspace. When I'm 40 all the things I love now will not do me any good. The world does not revolve around me and the seasons don't change depending on what mood I'm in. I love parks. I love being at parks with people. I love long fences and huge fields. I love stars. I love when things look beautiful just because you're around someone special. I can tell if you're a good person even if I've only met you a couple times. I hate how the littlest things bother people. You hating what music people listen to and what clothes they're wearing doesn't do you any good so I don't understand why you even bother. I'm not all about looks. I see beauty in everyone. When I say you're pretty It means you're pretty in more ways than one... Talk shi*t about me, because the truth is I'm probably talking shi*t about you too. I'm like nothing you've ever met before. I have a huge heart and laugh at everything. I've learnt not to get attached. I'm not looking to be in a relationship with you. I'm always reading, always talking, always believing. I can make the best out of every situation. I can tell what kind of person you are by just knowing you for a few minutes. I have a huge problem with people who are illiterate, or lack knowledge in English and grammar. contrary to belief, and unlike most of the white trash civilians of this city, I am doing something with my life. I'm going to major in psychology, so don't give me your advice, I've probably used it already and told 20 people the same thing you told me. In hard situations, my heart cancels out my brain. Don't tell me what you've been through, me and the rest of this world have probably been through it too. I will give you advice not empathy/sympathy. Although I am a rude little bitch, I will be your best friend when you need me. I can be amazing when you need me to be amazing, and though when you need me to be tough. I say f*ck so much it will make your ears bleed. I over-analyze and over-dramatize just about everything. BUT I will NOT put up with your high-school-I'm-better-than-you-suck-my-dick attitude. I am smart, to an extent. Sorry, I do not know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a lollipop. Sorry, I do not know how much 2000 x 2000 is without a calculator, but I have probably read and know of more books than you could even fathom. I have my dream, and I have my doubts. I've been in love, and fell out of love. I am a typical human being, with emotions and feelings.