LYING DOWN HERE ON MY BED THINKING "WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH MYSELF??".TEARS FALLING FROM MY FACE THINKING"WHY AM I MAKING MY HUSBAND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??"AM I THINKING OK?AND IM SMOKING A BIT TOO MUCH I DONT KNOW?? THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF MY STORY.
    GET OUT OF THE BED AND WIPE OFF THE TEARS ,I CALM MYSELF DOWN AND WALK OUT THE ROOM LIKE NOTHING NEVER HAPPEND."HEY HONEY"I SAY GIVING JOHN A KISS.JOHN PUSHED ME AWAY."WHAT WAS THAT FOR IM GIVING U A KISS U NOT GANNA TAKE IT??"I SAID TO HIM."NO! CAUSE MY GODDAM FOOD AINT READY YET WHAT U TAKE ME AS HOW THE HELL AM I SUPOSE TO GO TO WORK WITH OUT ANY BREAKFAST??"HE YELLED IN MY EAR." OH IM SORRY"I SAID ,DIDNT WANNA MAKE HIM ANYMORE MAD.
          WALK OVER TO THE STOVE FIND OUT DIRTY DISHES EVERYWHERE WHEN I WASHED UP THE DISHES LAST NIGHT BEFORE WE WENT TO BED.MY ANGER CAME OUT."WHAT THE HELL IS THIS,DIRTY DISHES EVERYWHERE,DIDNT  I WASH THEM UP LAST NIGHT BEFORE WE WENT TO BED?" I YELLED. JOHN LOOKED AT ME IN A NASTY WAY,I GOT FRIGHTEN. "YEA... AND SO WHAT ?" HE SAID."WHAT THE F**K , IM NOT THE PERSON WHO WASHES THE DISHES YOU ARE!" HE YELLED BACK. HE GOT UP AND WENT UP TO ME AND DRAGGED ME BY MY SHIRT AND SAID"LOOK HERE LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IM NOT THE GOD DAM MAID IN HERE OK, I WHERE THE DAM PANTS IN HERE NOT YOU.SO LET ME TELL U SOMETHING IF U EVER EVER EVER DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN YOUR GONE, IM TELLING YOU YOUR GONE!" HE SPITTED IN MY FACE. HE LET ME GOAND WENT BACK TO THE ROOM TO GET READY FOR WORK.
          TEAR DRIFTED DOWN MY FACE. I HAD TO TAKE A WALK.I QUICKLY FINISHED UP THE DISHES AND PUT ON SOME CLOTHINGS TO GO FOR A WALK.AS I WALKED TOWARD THE PARK, I WAS  A WHOLE BUNCH OF COUPLES CUDDLING  UP TOGETHER KISSING AND ALL TYPES OF STUFF TOGETHER . I WISH THAT WAS ME AND JOHN,BUT NOPE HE WEAR THE DAMMIT PANTS IN THE HOUSE. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF" U NO WHAT IM JUST GONNA GO HOME AND SIT  ON THE DAM COUCH LIKE HE DOES EVERY SINGLE DAY."
         GETTING READY TO LEAVE THE PARK, MEET UP WITH ONE OF MY GIRLS"HEY TIFFANY!" I SAID" WHAT UP GIRL "SHE SAID BACK."HOW YOU DOING ,LONG TIME NO SEE ,SO HOWS YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND BEEN DOING?"SHE ASKED."UMM WELL IT ISNT WORKING OUT WELL MAN HES SO ABUSIVE,AND GIRL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING .LAST NIGHT RIGHT , I WASHED UP ALL THE DISHES BEFORE WE WENT TO BED RIGHT. I WAKE UP AND IN THE SINK IS FULL WITH DISHES!!"I SAID"OH MY GOD FOR REAL?"SHE SAID "YUP GIRL TRUE STORY,AND HE LIKE SO WHAT AND I DONT CARE!BUT WHEN I GOT MAD AND I YELLED OUT I WASHED THE DISHES LAST NIGHT HE GOT UP AND DRAGGED ME BY MY CLOTHES AND SAID NOT TO DISRESPECT HIM AGAIN,GIRL IM SO SCARED I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO?"I SAID " WELL GIRL YOU NEED TO HANDLE YOUR OWN BUSINESS  I GOT TO RUN GANAN BE LATE FOR WORK BYE GIRL!" TIFFANY SAID RUNNING OFF.
          WALKING BACK TO THE HOUSE YELLING AND AND THIS NONSENCE ."WHY THE HELL IS MY WORK BOOTS SO I CAN LEAVE!!!" JOHN YELLED."CHECK IN THE SHOES CLOSET." I SAID."OH I FOUND THEM, OK IM LEAVING BYE." HE SAID GIVING ME A KISS." I LOVE YOU."HE SAID."YEA WAT EVER" I THOUGHT.
 OK JUST THINKING TO MYSELF IM GANNA GO TAKE A NAP ITS ONLY FOR A WHILE.
        BY THE TIME I GOT BACK UP JO HN IS BACK FROM WORK BY 10:00PM. I WAS PISSED OFF."AH YO  WHERE MY DINNER AT??" HE YELLED OUT TAKING OFF HIM CLOTHES." SORRY I FORGOT TO I FELL ASLEEP." I SAID GETTING OFF THE COUCH."WELL HURRY UP MAN IM HUNGRY" JOHN SAID . I MADE SOME RIBS WITH WHITE RICE, TOOK A QUICK 45 MINS.10:45."THANK YOU MAN"JOHN SAID SNATCHING THE FOOD OUT MY HANDS."UMM YOUR WELCOME" I SAID. I DID NOT WANNA FEEL LIKE EATING SO I JUST SAT THERE WATCHING THE GAME WITH HIM.
             "SO U KNOW ANYTHING BOUT' FOOT BALL ?"HE ASKED " NOPE" I RESPONDED BACK."OH OK WHAT EVER." HE SAID .MY ANGER CAME BACK WHY DO U ALWAYS     DO THIS ,IM TIRED OF    U !"I YELLED. HE TOOK ME IN THE ROOM IN THE DARK AND .............

WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPEND???

In a world where most people degrade you and everyone treat you like a piece of crap, there is atleast always one person in your world who will stick by you and show you the world for the first time. She will show you that people just treat you like that to make themselves feel better. She will tell you that it is ok to be weired and outgoing. She will talk to you on IM for hours and make you feel like someone does care. That person is the one you always want to keep close to you and never ditrust them. She could be gone tomarrow and you could not know why. Always love that person and never let go. I know I won't. Never in a million years.

Evil is first and foremost a religious notion. It means whatever religion dislikes. Christianity assimilated various pagan deities and practices when obliged to make concessions to stubborn peasant predilections (hence the incorporation of Diana worship into Catholic veneration of the Virgin Mary), but it otherwise proscribed all other and earlier deities as devils. The chief devil, Satan, is himself a composite figure. He is Lucifer, he is the Green man of pagan nature beliefs, he is the lusty goat-footed satyr who sported with nymphs in the groves of antiquity. He is, in short, the representative and personification of things the church wished people to stopped liking and doing. As Lucifer, the devil began as a grand and beautiful angel whose sin was disobedience – a frightful crime in religious eyes: for the height of virtue is unquestioning obedience to God’s will, whatever it is (even if God tells you to cut your child’s throat, as in the Abraham story). Milton liked Lucifer’s desire for autonomy and self-expression, and for his resulting rebellion against the absolutist oppression of God; which is why the poetry of Paradise Lost soars, as if on archangel’s wings, when ever Lucifer – Milton’s tragic hero – is central to action. As the Green Man, Satyr, or any supernatural figure not sanctioned by the orthodoxy as angel or saint, Satan represents forces of nature and aspects of the world, which the church wishes to suppress chief among them the appetites for sex and pleasure. To do this it employs the time-honoured trick of demonishing them and making people afraid of them, portraying them as ugly and dangerous. (Governments do the same in propaganda about enemies in times of war.) And then, to sink the roots of this fear deep, the church introduces the idea of evil and devil to children, for it knows that if it can cut early psychological scars it has better chance of holding on to the minds thus wounded. All religions are anxious to proselytise the young. Society seems not to see either the absurdity or the danger in the fact that pupils in one school are taught, as truths of history, that the Normans conquered England in 1066 and that Jesus is the son of God, in another that the Normans conquered England in 1066 and Jesus in not the son of God but Mohammed received definitive divine relevation, in a third that the Normans conquered England in 1066 and that neither Jesus nor Mohammed is of any significance besides Guru Dev – and in a fourth that the Normans conquered England in 1066 and all three of Jesus, Mohammed and Guru Dev are false distractions, attention to whom is likely to provoke God’s jealous wrath. Yet in schools all over the country these antipathetic ‘truths’ are being force-fed to different groups of pupils, none of whom is in a position to assess their credibility or worth. This is a serious form of child abuse. It sows the seeds of apartheids capable of resulting, in their logical conclusion, in murder and the need for comforting fables, will never be extirpated, so religion will always exist, at least among the uneducated. The only way to manage the dangers it presents is to confine it entirely to the private sphere, and for the public domain to be blind to it in all but one respect: that by law no one’s private beliefs should be allowed to cause a nuisance or an injury to anyone else. For whatever and wherever religion manifests itself in the public arena as an organized phenomenon, it is the most Satanic of all things. War, always an evil, is sometimes the lesser of two evils. Even then it needs additional justification, from the degree of evil it opposes. The war against Nazism was a justified war, although not everything done in it by the opponents of Nazism was justified. This consideration prompts the inescapable question about the conduct of war: what should be its limits? Should ethics tie one’s hands when faced with an implacable enemy, whose victory would be a disaster for the world? Churchhill said, ‘There is no middle course in wartime.’ This hard truth forces one to recognize another: that every war, however justified, reduces the stock of human good, and diminishes civilization – sometimes destroying in seconds what centuries built. War prompted by religion, even indirectly, is never justified. Whatever proximate excuse for such wars, the basis of each one is exactly the same, namely, suspicion and hostility engendered by differences of belief and associated culture. Christian armies mounted crusades against ‘infidels’ to capture the holy places of the Middle East, and against ‘heretics’ such as the Cathars to rebut their falsehoods by exterminating those who believed them. These are entirely matters of ideology. None of the major faiths is bloodless, history recks with the gore of their wars and persecutions, all the more disgusting a spectacle for being, in essence, as simple as this: A kills B because B does not agree with A that there are fairies at the bottom of the garden.People should be left to believe what they like, so long as they harm no one else. Apart from normal expectations of politeness, it is however clear why people should require their personal beliefs to be treated with special sensitivity to others, to the point that if others fail to tip-toe respectfully around them they will start throwing bombs. From a secular point of view, religious beliefs are at best absurd and at worst dangerous, and the amount of free play they are given in the public domain is a menace. Believed-in fairies should be kept at home as an entirely private matter, and their votaries encouraged to cease taking themselves so seriously that, when irritated by those who differ, they resort to Kalashnikovs. Apart from anything else, such reactions speak little confidence in their own violently-held certainties. When differences of belief and religion-based culture are the ultimate source of conflict, the real war that needs to be fought is the war of ideas. A secularist might hope that liberal scientific education would at last free the human spirit from its thralldom to ancient superstitions and practices. Realism prompts the more modest hope that people can learn to accept that others differ, that belief is a private matter, and that no one has the right to impose beliefs on others or to punish their non-acceptance. This aspiration has a practical dimension. In order to accommodate a variety of religious and cultural differences in a single society, society itself needs to be wholly secular, most especially its educational institutions. ‘Faith-based’ schools entrench and perpetuate the differences which too often lead to conflict; by educating children from all backgrounds together there is a far greater chance of mutual understanding and personal friendships. Enthusiasts of all faiths oppose secular education because exposure to other traditions has the effect of loosening the grip of their own. That, from a secular standpoint, is of course the consummation devoutly to be wished. The war of ideas today is what makes a difference to the occurrence or otherwise of shooting wars tomorrow. But the murderous grip of humanity’s various immemorial belief systems is unavoidably here now, sprouting its bitter fruit. It is as hard for the innocents of one side to defend against a frenzy of fanatics as for those of the other to protect themselves against technological might.; But the survivors, if there are any, can try to defend the future by winning the longer and great war against intolerance, bigotry, zealotry and hatred which brutally divides mankind against itself.

darker are the thoughts
about you

look into your eyes
i feel rage
about to snap

the thoughts about you
are getting darker

wish you would die
wish you could see
what hell can be

shatter your hideous soul
inside my mind

drain your blood
make you suffer
let you rot alone

the thoughts about you
keep getting darker

cant take it anymore
clench my fists
break the glass

screaming
louder and louder
as the glass falls to the floor

your finally gone
cant see your ugly face anymore
because i shattered the mirror

i hate you

I CAN REMEMBER LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY ALL OF SOMETIN IT HAPPEN WHY DID HE LIE SAYIN THAT WE WAS GOIN TO BE TOGETHER AND WE REALLY WASNT MAYBE ITS THE WAY I LOOK OR PROBALY THE WAY I DRESS I JUS DONT KNO WHY HE LIED THE WAY HE DID.....

I CAN REMEMBER LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY ALL OF SOMETIN IT HAPPEN WHY DID HE LIE SAYIN THAT WE WAS GOIN TO BE TOGETHER AND WE REALLY WASNT MAYBE ITS THE WAY I LOOK OR PROBALY THE WAY I DRESS I JUS DONT KNO WHY HE LIED THE WAY HE DID.....